Imposter SynDROme and Positive Self Talk

I was caught off guard, but I was not entirely surprised. I have always loved trail running and mountain adventures, but since I was a young girl running cross-country and track, I have struggled to feel confident putting myself in the category of ‘good runners.’ I was, and remain, self-conscious about my running form and ability. Early on, I was aware that this insecurity was almost entirely because of how I perceived my body to fit (or not) into the often dysmorphic narrative around what fast runners look like. 

Through the years, I have found a variety of strategies for dealing with this kind of self-criticism in both skiing and running: through psychological tools (self-talk, imagery, journaling), through vulnerable conversations with family, friends and teammates, through improving technique, and even with a touch of self-deprecating (but lighthearted!) humor. I have become a lot more self-assured and gained confidence in myself, but it is still a work in progress.     

Walking through the crowds of other participants in the race, I felt profoundly aware of myself in relation to them. I became more self-critical of my body and less confident in my fitness. Other insecurities buzzed noisily in my mind, making my stomach hurt and my chest feel tight. All things I know logically don’t determine my ability to perform, but still, running feels exposing to me in a way that skiing does not.

The National Institute of Health defines Imposter Syndrome as “a behavioral health phenomenon described as self-doubt of intellect, skills, or accomplishments among high-achieving individuals, [who] cannot internalize their success and subsequently experience pervasive feelings of self-doubt, anxiety, depression, and/or apprehension of being exposed as a fraud in their work, despite verifiable and objective evidence of their successfulness.” 

I think that all athletes have experienced this feeling in some way, and the very nature of our ambitiousness makes us vulnerable to downplaying our successes because we always want to be better, go further, dig deeper, achieve more.  

    

At the race, I was hyper aware that I was hyperaware, which made me anxious and upset with myself for being hyper aware. I just ran 100 miles of rugged mountain trails this week for goodness sake! But that’s just it, I feel confident in my ability to run slowly for a long time, but running fast against other people? That’s where I feel doubt encroaching.

And that is the first step to combating imposter syndrome and negative self-talk: identifying the moments that trigger these feelings of doubt. So much of changing our psychology to be more positive is paying more attention to our thoughts and the contexts in which we have them. If we can notice negative thoughts creeping in and identify their source, we can redirect them. Positive self-talk is incredibly helpful in moments like this. I am the first to admit that I am not very good at it, and am not always consistent in applying it. But it is a big goal of mine to be less complacent during moments of negativity, and to be proactive about creating new and positive neural pathways. I am already seeing results and I am going to take you through my race in France to show how I use a simple three-step process to reframe insecurities into strengths.